Friday, December 16, 2016

The Politics of Snappy

Parenting in the Trump era isn't going to be easy.

 Kid: Kaepernick is a jerk for not standing.
Me: People in this country have the right to protest, bunny.
Kid: He should be traded for...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd rather have Russell Wilson.

Kid (in park, playing with a beetle):  Can I put Beatrice down someone's shirt?
Me: No. Too mean.
Kid: Only if it was Donald Trump.
Girl on nearby blanket:  Donald Trump! Someone said Donald Trump!
Kid: Mom, why is that lady yelling Donald Trump?
Guy on blanket: (gasp) That girl just said, “why is that lady yelling Donald Trump?”
Girl: Whoa! I'm a full blown lady now.
 Kid: Mom. I just got quoted.

Kid: I’m looking on Amazon for a tank.
Me: What are you going to do with a tank?
Kid: I'll do like the Trojans and drive it to Trump's house as a peace offering.       

Kid: Pack your Canada bags, Miss Kitty. Ham will be our new bacon!
Miss Kitty: …

Kid: I just found out that Trump is going to win.
Me: No he's not, bunny.
Z: He is! And we are going to open our house to people who don't have green cards. They can sleep in my bed.
Me: Where are you going to sleep?

Kid: Hello, I’m a volunteer with Hillary’s campaign. I….
Voice in Ohio: Oh no! You’re Obamacare! Go away!
Kid: Thank you for your time. (hangs up) Mom! I got a Hostile. What should I do? Call the police?
Me: No. Just click the hostile box and make the next call.
Kid: I think I should call the police.

11/8 8pm
Me: I’m going to keep you safe…no matter what.
Kid (trying not to cry):  But mom, my friends are going to be deported.

11/8 9pm
Me: What are you doing?
Kid (crying): I’m giving to Mockingjay symbol to America as my final goodbye before I move to Canada.
Me: How many fingers are you holding up?
Kid: (pause) Three.

Me: They’re having a protest downtown.
Kid: Get your coat!

Questions from Girl Scout’s trip to City Hall: Is Donald Trump going to build a wall? Why is some of the sand at Ocean Beach black? How can you watch Donald Trump if he's in Washington?

Kid:  Are you going to move to Canada with me, Uncle Pauly?
Uncle: No. I’m going to stay and fight.
Kid: You can have my room. Please keep Roomy cleaner than I did.

Kid (crying into my armpit): I’m scared, Mom.
Me: Don’t be scared. Most people in this country did not vote for him. They either voted for Hillary or they didn’t vote at all. A lot of those people are going to be fighting with us.
Kid (looking up before burying head again):   I’m not reassured.

Me (stroking her head, my fingers bumping along the two train-track braids I’d put in that morning): I’m sorry, bunny. 

Kid: (burying face in my pillow) Mom, I'm scared.
Me: Of what?
Kid: Of Trump.
Me: You don't have to be afraid. He has less power than you think, and a lot of really smart people are working hard against him.
Kid:  Mom, he's going to bomb the S-H-I-T out of Syria.
Me: Who said that?
Kid: He did.
Me: Oh right.